Who’s known for her nocturnal endurance. And ol’ girl’s never tried to milk the shop like cereal.
Jus’ sayin.
Anyhoot, see you pooh butts at Bomb McPromb.
Archive for the ‘Deep Thoughts’ Category
Got a beep from Kim
Tuesday, May 25th, 2010Sad woman, take it slow
Sunday, May 23rd, 2010Uh.
We might be a little bit bad at this whole bloggin business. But hey: we’ve been steady ebay focused and manning the fishbowl that is the new storefront for the past few months – and that keeps our idle hands busy. Seriously, we get more stop-and-stares and “How much them cost?”s now than we ever did in Greenpoint, Shmeenpoint. And look how happy that makes lil’ Ryan!
So sorry Cali Brad, Cliff, and the other reader. It could be worse. Or even worser. Or the 77 blog.
Actual. Factual? Spectactual!
Saturday, November 14th, 2009Wang depictions? Check.
Teets and their longitudal manipulation? Check.
Stank on your hangdown, buttcheeks and Mission 23? Check, Check, CBGB shirt, and check.
It’s all smel’asting a bit oaky, am I right?
¿Tiempo para muy fresca jokes en las bloggias?
Introducting… “Orph’ange Fact o’ the Day” – a daily proven published post (with choosy-moms-choose-GIF hotlinks!).
F-F-FACT:
Dr. John Cohausen wrote a book in 1743 “proving” that one could live to be 115 years old by inhaling the breath of little girls. In his book, Hermippus Redivivus, Dr. Cohausen gave the following prescription: ‘Take 1 pound of gum olibani, 2 ounces of styrae, myrrh, and several other herbs, mix, burn, and inhale while at the same time imbibing the exhalations of the nearest little girl.’
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm mmm mm m.
When does rally season start?
Blogos! Blog of Fate!
Saturday, October 3rd, 2009
Oh Mahoney…
Wednesday, August 12th, 2009I’m feeling very Police Academy-prone today. Beat the rain to the shop and spend a few hours until we finish Citizens on Patrol. No Sgt. Nick Lassard. Only Guttenberg. Wallet’s gotten comfortable already:
Ja Wohl!
Also, mopeds.
Why No Bloggy?
Wednesday, July 29th, 2009Too soggy for bloggy.
Moondier
Thursday, June 25th, 2009Yep. That’s my only contribution to the first wave of tasteless MJ death jokes. Our first and last, to be exact. Since we’re well aware of the incoming deluge of crying Europeans and animated Thriller-zombie heartattack gifs, I’m confident that the blog’s planning on letting sleeping King of Pops lie. Save a spot for me in the seventh level of hell (for the Space Jam song, not the kid-fingering) and I’ll promise to only karaoke the chorus of Somebody’s Watching Me in remembrance.
This will be fun if you’re in the Richmond, VA area. Say hi to Avail for me. Then get back to washing the dishes and jousting on your tallbike.
More press about the shop! This time surprisingly well-written and not prefaced by some weird meta editorial convo. Good job Greenpoint Gazette! You’re totally the NYT of free local papers people peruse when they’re waiting for their bodega sandwich. Mayo and mustard?
Orphanage Moped Ketchup
Friday, June 19th, 2009How shits been with you? Miss us? I took a small sabbatical from the blog to do the Master Cleanse and blast out the miles of misuse I’ve been subjecting my body to over the years. Have you ever rocketed salt water out of your asshole? Doesn’t really lend to bloggin’ cleverness and posting funny pictures of fat people doing fat people things. But I digress…
So.
In summation, here is what you have missed:
-We got some press from Streetcarnage. You might know them as the Irish who launched that magazine everyone pretends to hate + the familiar looking black indie-rock guy who isn’t in TV on the Radio. We love their site and have a sense of humor. Promise.
-Bomb Prom happened and people did a lot of drugs. At some point we’ll stop pretending we actually go to these rallies to ride mopeds.
-We’re selling a shitload of project bikes to get more speedchairs on the road. Come by and get one before we give up and start riding fixed gears and such.
-40 days and 40 nights. God is angered due to gay people being in love and general lack of misogyny in the modern world. The bible says dominion.
-Bradley blogged about me intercoursing. Apparently my sex life is noteworthy. Also, sorry about all the pron. He’s been fired from the blog.
-The neighborhood threw a fake parade for Rachel from friends. There was much rejoicing at the Greenpoint Hotel.
-The TV has finally been set up in shop. A Mortal Kombat tournament was promptly launched. Kitana is a cheap bitch. Watch your sack.
-Health Inspector paid us an untimely visit due to a complaint of “moped fumes.” Sadly, our keen-nosed neighbor neglected to define what moped fumes were. My guess is that they smell like trust funds.
-We’re up to our fedoras in repairs. Like I can hardly breathe with all the carb cleaner being sprayed.
-I got doored on my bicycle coming to the shop this afternoon. My shoulder fucking hurts. And somebody stole Liz’s bike seat. Bad luck for slowchairs.
That’s about it. There’s a super rad Peugeot TSM at the shop right now taking up space, too. Come sit on it. Kid’s tickets just five bucks!
Brother Bear & Sister Squirrel
Friday, June 12th, 2009Grandfather Sun always told us, “You can wish in one hand and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.”
Today He shone and filled both palms equally.
Much gratitude, Grandfather.
Orphanage Mopeds Haiiiiiiiiiiiiku 2
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
Orphanage Mopeds Haiku #1
Monday, June 8th, 2009
Performance Tunert
Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
THE CORNTEST RAGES ON
Monday, June 1st, 2009
Doing it wrong – SPECTACULARLY
Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 
You’ve got something about you
You’ve got something I need
Daughter of aphrodite
Hear my words and take heed
I was born on olympus
To my father a son
I was raised by the demons
Trained to reign as the one
Ride Cover Tour Bike Shed Moped Storage Garage Barn
Will slowly rob you of your virgin soooooooooul
Readin’ Material
Monday, May 18th, 2009I’ve said it before, but it begs repeating: WE CLOSED ON MONDAY. It’s the one day we take respite from selling these hard to find and not-at-all-swag items. Our sabbath, if you will.
But the internet never sleeps. So indulge in a tale from yore, straight from a former fan of the dormant Chicago moped shop. Female Glen? Former conquest? Or just another Gnarly Simon?
Blog Fundraiser 2009
Tuesday, May 12th, 2009Well folks, it was that time of year again – when Big Boss forgets to pay the $4 internet tariff and the man comes down hard on us (no Friendster for two days!). Thanks so much to the following people and organizations who contributed. Special thanks to those in italics and extra special thanks to those in bold. UltraMegaTits thanks to Jeff from the other New York crew for not knowing why this blog is funny and therefore validating everyone’s decision to add another moped crew in New York.
The thankees:
Ryan Duggan and his eerily coincidental four dollar bill
Thank you to everyone that makes the Orphanage Moped Shop Blog great, and thanks for all the website redesign suggestions that I will thoroughly ignore. I know that progress has been slow but I’m happy to report that the new version of the website is in progress, and 2009 will be the year that v5 finally launches. I’m not ready for beta testing yet but I do have a static image of the new design you can check out.
Brog Ruv
Friday, May 1st, 2009Thanks for the kind comments, y’all. The Moped Army kids, especially. We love love. Oh yeah, this is our favorite praise:
“i love this blog. you guys have made the internet about 500% better, and unlike the 77 blog it has almost nothing to do with mopeds. good work.”
We’re trying, Dom. Send noodz.
August 8th is a beautiful day.
Thursday, April 30th, 2009Our good buddy Ryan Duggan made us up some sicktight prints to hang in the shop. And, as documented previously in our blog, our hatred of the children of the flower lead us to hang this beaut over the cash register without hesitation.
Paradoxically, this happened and was a huge hit. Such is the complicated duality of running a moped shop. I’m going to go listen to American Beauty and punch myself in the dick. Later.
Stop the Hate
Sunday, April 26th, 2009I don’t necessarily want to get involved in some ridiculous drama, but I got opinions and I’ve never been one to keep them quiet. Here’s the deal: life’s too short to get caught up in nonsense that gets too personal. Let’s build a bridge and get over it, guys. I don’t care who said what about who or who did what to who. Forgive and forget. Let’s get back to mopeds. Hate leads to suffering. Let bygones be bygones. Give me the strenf I need to proceed, the strenf I need believe. RIP Jammaster Jay. Is TI free yet? If not, free him, too.
Later.