SNOOP BLOGGY BLOG

Please be respectful of our devout religious beliefs and wait until NOT MONDAY to argue with us over the price of a spark plug. I promise I’ll be there, bright and noony, on Tuesday for all your mopeding needs. Now do pardon as I spend the rest of my Funday Monday praying to Goro and watching all the Michael Winslow scenes from Police Academy (1-4, not Miami Beach, 6, or the Russian one) on Youtube.

We promised shop movement, and by-golly The Orphanage Moped Shop delivered. Introducing Shop 2.0:
3D imagineered by dimensional frontiersman, Bradley Carroll.

OHSHITGORO

Hello brave consumers. Here at the Orphanage Moped Shop, we are entering into the chilly fall months (it’s 65 degrees outside) which means less moped ridin’ and more moped storin’. So, being the kind NYC moped despots we often claim to be, we are proud to offer you the following storage options for when you hang up the moped and bust out the mittens:

-Storage, paid up front at the time of drop off: $60 per month.
-Storage, paid monthly: $75 per month, paid no later than the 5th of each month.

And, as an added bonus to our space-leasers, a discounted labor rate!

-Hourly labor rate for repairs and upgrades while in storage: $45 per hour.

Use the harsh Large Apple wintery months to get that bike all kinds of gussied up! Yeah dude! If you’re interested, send us an email, then we’ll send you one, then you’ll reply, and we’ll send you noodz:

info@orphanagemopeds.com

Also! We’ll be selling stuff we normally wouldn’t sell to make room for the storagings. So if you’re looking for a winter project ‘ped, want a nice new bike to add to your fleet, or just want to take advantage of our close-out deals, give us a call or stop by the shop within the next few weeks to check out our offerings!

Winter sports are stupid! Come be our snow bunny.

Following in the footsteps of Web 2.0, the Orphanage Moped Shop Website Extravaganza will be launching whenever! That’s right, whenever! New features:
-EFF AYY QUUUUE!!!
-Bikes for sale! Bikes for sale! Please buy our bikes, we have rent.
-LINKS FUCK YEAH LINKS
-Orphanage Team Protein Proteam Pro Bios and Specs
-Hours of Operation
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 5 Fansite
-AND, Papa!

Papa?

PAPA:

Novelty RocknRoll goes nicely with our new stock. Stop by and marvel at
Ryan’s tongue. I’m the kitty-kat. Bradley’s whichever member of Kiss lies a lot.
Also, KristenP from Cincinnati is our tri-weekly dirt catcher. Shop-cat Wallet is jealous.

Closing her down early today folks. I need to drink myself into accepting the fact that I’m missing out on the Chicago rally.

We got some new stock, with some radder new stock coming in next week. Make sure you stop by and marvel. Also, 77 blog is going crazy these days (cool broken image link, faggots). Make sure you read it and study it; there will be tests. At least call them and ask for Kymco scooters or NOS Sachs Generals. Definitely call looking for Bing Jets.

415-355-1977 (ask for Flynn)

I’m all about alienating my friends, so here we have the infamous “Shop Rules” circa a few weeks ago. Sadly, shop owner Ryan decided to get all serious in an attempt to legitimize his business and used the board for assigning responsibilities. Yeah, the guy who’s beaten Final Fantasy IV more times than he’s balanced his checkbook is talking responsibility. Fascist.

Hope you all like inside jokes! Jesus, I don’t even get half of these. Where’s my taco?

Not to be outdone by the westerly mopedshop types, the beloved cast of the Orphanage Moped shop invested in (read: got for nuthin) our own Shameful Shame Shelf. Sadly, triple ess is a bit lacking in the, uh, shame department currently:

A custom-made Dr. Pepper Circuit, a(nother) rando moped zine from who fuck knows who, a 3 year old slightly scratched piston from our miserly manager’s own engine, a sprocket with dangerously sharpened razorteeth courtesy of Daniel J, and, my personal favorite, a $1.50 can of the Boyar’s MACANDCHEE – dented to shit and sadly left unopened because Bradley was too stoned to figure out how to work the pull-tab the other night.

Ugh. Fuck.

We’re all pretty burnt out at the shop today what with yesterday’s festivities. Resident mexican and recent jail escapee, Gabriel, went on a bit of a French hating bender after loading himself (and us) up with two too many Modellos. You’ll probably need a history lesson to get this joke. Or you could just enjoy the craftsmanship. Four years of art school, mom and dad!

Wallet is a cat, by the way.

We’re technically not supposed to talk about this, but due to the current economic climate, Orphanage Mopeds is going to start downsizing. Boss man Ryan decided that the first place to start saving money is cutting back on human resources. Some employees are scrambling to make themselves more valuable by showing they can accomplish tasks outside of their job description (like updating the blog while Nathan is off doing “Real” work), and yet other employees decide that it is perfectly appropriate to use company time to talk on the phone to boys, knit a set of iced tea coasters (for the summer), and finish up some scrapbooking.

If Ryan is reading this, this is Dan. I just mopped the showroom and I organized all the fairings in the fairing box. After I update the blog, I’m going to fix the drip in the bathroom sink and see about that smell coming from Bradley’s room. What’s Liz doing right now? Oh, she is on the roof drinking a beer.

Man have we been busy. No shit, we’ve had to turn down repairs this week because we’ve been so overwhelmed. The Silver Maxi is still waiting to be tinkered, too. We had to have an emergency repair session late into the night yesterday. It was tiring, but we got so much done – it feels really good to come in today knowing that we all hunkered down, rolled up our sleeves, utilized our respective elbow greases, and giggled at the computer again.

BOSSMAN ORDERS THE HESSIAN SLAVE TO MAKE IT SO!

There’s girls that live upstairs. Live ones. So today they’re celebrating femininity by peeing off the roof. That sounds misleading – they’re actually peeing into a gutter on the side of the roof, which then leads, quite log flumingly, through a system of aluminum pipes, cascading off the side of the building. Watch out! So anyway, being the moped shop cassanovas we are, an invitation was extended. Up we will go. I’m not sure where the night will take us. Probably to home and our tear soaked pillows.

Yes, I took a picture of the pee sprinkle. I felt weird. But oddly alive. Still, just too personal to share – here’s Georgia O’Keefe’s insides instead.

I laughed at this for a while today instead of calling our automotive dealer to order condensers and bulbs.

Then a cute girl came into the shop while I was blogging this and it made me question if mymanstick was adequatesized.

What? We’re supposed to attract customers? But do we have to like them? We do?

In this section we’ll be dealing with our gross inadequacies as businessmen. Hell, the world’s ending in 2012. I don’t see what the big deal is. If I want to play Skrewdriver in the store all day, that’s my business. It’s not my business? Jeez. Sorry, Ryan. Tomorrow I’ll play more Shonen Knife.